Jesus' arms doesn't work anymore.
While they once held poses and flexed with ease, the two appendages hanging from his side are now as useless as wet strands of fettuccine dangling from his shoulders.
If I were referring to the real Jesus, this would be understandable given the way he exited this world. But it's just as understandable considering the life my plastic toy Jesus has led thus far.
It began in 2009 when Ashley Schwellenbach first hijacked Jesus from my desk at work and took him along on her trip to Morocco. It was a toy I picked up at the world's worst gift shop sprawling from beneath the Stratosphere in Las Vegas, a few years earlier.
Now, I could go off on a tangent as to why I hate Vegas, but in this particular trip I was working off a hangover after my stepsister's epic wedding which involved a singing Elvis at a small chapel on the strip, and ended in the wee hours of the morning in a hotel penthouse filled with way too much booze and cupcakes.
Seeing Jesus hanging off a rotating spindel filled with other plastic iterations of famous religious figures, I decided he would be best served coming home with me. Yet it would be a few more years before he found his true calling as an international travel companion.
After Morocco, Ashley again kidnapped Jesus for her trip to Spain. And it wasn't until my first venture out of the country that he saw Asia during my 2011 trip to Thailand.
Taking Jesus on trips is now a tradition. Over the past five years Jesus has visited Morocco, Spain, Ireland, Scotland, Italy, Norway, Thailand, Japan, and Peru; and he's tagged along for a few U.S. trips.
In total, Jesus is one of the most well-traveled people I know, with his yearly jaunts now solidified in a series of photos. Though I hope to someday put the larger collection into a coffee table book, he has already amassed enough worldwide selfies to warrant some Internet fame.
Considering the life he's led so far, having visited roughly eight countries across four continents, I suppose it's understandable that he's a little worse for wear.